Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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