i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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