I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
