he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
