I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
