Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
