Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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