A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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