We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Even my vagina gasped.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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