Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
