you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you win again, gameday.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
