Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
