so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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