I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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