You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
