If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
