Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
