so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
