I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
