i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
me + whiskey = a bad person
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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