eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
