when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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