Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
