Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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