We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
