he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
