Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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