He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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