I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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