my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
