If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
