no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
