Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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