Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
