Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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