i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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