first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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