I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
