i love accidental penises.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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