Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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