Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
