i need an iv and a liver transplant
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
