Your mouth is God's brothel.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
