can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My feet surprised me
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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