just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
