Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
