You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
