Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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