why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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