I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
