You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
