Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
