So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I had to cum in my sink.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
