You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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